i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
