im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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