Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize