I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
