When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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