Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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