I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
