I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
