I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
