Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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