I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
where does the pee come out of this thing
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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