Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize