Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
