You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
