I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
