just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I need to stop coming to work sober
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
