did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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