chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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