Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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