I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize