I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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