I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
