youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
