drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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