Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
