this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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