so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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