New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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