We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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