Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
