Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
