I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
