In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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