Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
