I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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