Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
