Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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