it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
