I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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