just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize