I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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