the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
