bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
