trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
