Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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