that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
