you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
