This girl is more easily done than said...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My vagina is officially offended.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
