Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
