He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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