Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
false alarm, still single
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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