Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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