Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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