so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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