Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Semen is not good for contacts.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize