phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
