you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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