I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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