Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
