Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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