I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
