"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
