Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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