I want to have your abortion
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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