Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
