It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize