I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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