She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
