and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
